Thursday, July 23, 2009

#1: Our Future, Underwater and Long-Dead


The untrained eye (yours) probably sees a sailboat on a sandbar. Little do you know (I could put a period there but I'll refrain not out of kindness but out of pity) that this photograph was CLEARLY taken in The Future, once sea levels have risen to heights unimagined by even the likes of Kevin Costner. How can I tell? Look at the light reflecting off the water. The Sun, known as "Sol" to family and close friends, is, as any scientist knows, exactly 4.57 billion years old. As I performed a series of extraordinarily complex but, to me, perfectly intuitive and maddeningly simplistic calculations, it became apparent that the intensity of that reflection was obviously produced by a Sun 4.57000001 billion years old. Those are of course Earth years, which is how the Sun chooses to celebrate its birthdays when it's not too depressed about its age to do so.

The sailboat was Photoshopped in as humans and sailboats will by then have been long ago exterminated by meat-eating robots.

Nice try, Ed. Next.

1 comment:

  1. OK, fine. Nice work. I didn't think you knew about the advances in digital photography that allow me to take snapshots of the future. I underestimated you.

    But alas, dear readers, it appears that our friend the "picture explainer" is unfamiliar with the idea of updating "weblogs" on a regular basis. Perhaps this gentle nudge will remind him. Or perhaps I should just assume the most recent "photos" that I've submitted have been too much for "Dave". Hmm...Looks like victory is mine.

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