#2: Colonial Hijinks

Sorry for the delay; I was busy fucking kind genius-level supermodels (well) and watching my money make me more money. This is a colorized snapshot from the early days of the Roanoke Colony, also known as the "Lost Colony." It is theorized that the colony disappeared due to its inhabitants' obsession with nitpicking the minutiae of the DHARMA Initiative, which prevented them from eating and reproducing (the latter problem is familiar to modern-day "Lost" enthusiasts). Most of their discussions centered around the philosophical dispute of whether Jenna Elfman was an elf, a man, or some sort of freakish hybrid. Those who foolishly suggested she was neither were cast out of the colony and became the ancestors of modern-day Scientologists.

But back to THIS specific photograph. The colonist on the left (wearing the stylish red ensemble) is using a whalebone as a tool with which to carry two buckets of sperm whale sperm. Whale sperm and whalebones can, as all good seamen know, only be obtained by boning a whale. He is carrying the cerulean ejaculate to dump over his unsuspecting friend's head in a spirit of good-humored camaraderie. The other upright fellow is assisting the joke by performing the ancient ritual of misdirection, having buried a fish knowing the kneeling man could not resist the smell of buried fish. Sadly, the aftermath of the joke was not documented (as far as I can tell), but I can only assume it was well-received by all, and probably looked something like this.